After spending 4 hours with a ten year old this evening, I was reminded of how incredibly fascinating it is to listen to kids talk about their lives. It was also a rather disconcerting wake-up as to how disconnected I am from a generation that just doesn’t seem so far apart from my own.
Tonight’s lesson: school girls love to decorate their lockers. It’s like, the biggest thing out. And no, I’m not talking stickers and smuggled photos of shirtless pubescent celebrities. I mean full on wallpaper, magnetic mirrors, hanging pouches and even furry bath-mat-esque carpeting. Yes, carpeting. I was fully expecting her to pull out a potted plant garden with a little shovel, rake and watering can too.
But the one item I just couldn’t believe was the miniature chandelier, color-coordinated with the wallpaper and carpeting, that hangs from the locker’s “ceiling”. I shit you not, it dangles. It also works. As in, when you open the locker door, this fucking thing senses the movement and turns on. Price tag for such elegance? $34.
Turning over this incredible feat of engineering, I see that there is not one but four different variations of the locker chandelier (lockerlier?). Couple that with the assortment of wallpapers and plush carpet sets and I can only imagine the hallway conversations:
“Oh my god, Becky! Look at her rhinestones! They are like, so pretty. And they match my green rug! Do you think she’d trade for three flower magnets and a dry erase marker?”
The best part of all of this is that absolutely no consideration is given for fitting actual books into these bedazzled treasure troves. Looking at the photo of the box, it appears that the top 3.5” are taken up by the aforementioned chandelier, while the carpeting fills 1.5” on the bottom. Add in the protruding magnets and snap pouches on every possible surface and you’ve got yourself a whole lot of nothing that looks anything like school work. Not even any room for half naked photos of cute boys? WTF?
Person who invited these “LockerLookz”, I want to meet your ass. You win, good-day sir!