Wednesday, August 19th, 2012
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Good morning Playa! And what a morning it was: a bright blue, endless sky, a light breeze and perfectly flat sand as far as the eye could see. Without the harsh storms stirred up by incoming cars we were able to look out across the roofs of the vehicles and tents around us- and the size of the community that had assembled was breathtaking. The good weather also meant that we could check out our neighbors. This became a very amusing past time while enjoying the comfort of the RV.

First things first: set up camp. We were eager to move shit out of the main cabin to give us room to move about- especially the 3 pedal bikes that we had stuffed up into the cubby near the bathroom. S had been hopping over them in order to get from his bed in the back to the side door to get out! Needless to say, the bikes were the first things out Wednesday morning. Also side-note with regarding the bikes: while we bought 3 locks, we used them only once to lock J and I’s bikes together at Center Camp the second night. Other than that we didn’t risk taking the bikes all the way out to Opulent Temple because 1) I would have crashed into someone or something (drunk- and not ashamed to admit it), 2) there were way too many bikes already out there so no doubt I would have forgotten where I left my wheels and had to walk back to camp anyway and 3) walking, stopping at will and dancing/drinking/partying with random strangers along the way was always half the fun of any voyage. Just wanted to get that out there in case it saves you buying bike locks. Buy bike seat covers and EL wire instead.

After about 2 hours of unpacking we were exhausted and ready for a drink. The photo above shows our camp almost completely tricked out, as well as some of our neighbors in the area next to us. They were, without exception, the friendliest and most diverse bunch of individuals we could have imagined. To give you an idea of the types of people we met I’ll leave it at this: the ages ranged from college to mid-60s, newbies to veterans. Two hailed from Hawaii, some from California and even one from the local Native American tribe (he got in to Burning Man for free!). About half our neighbors brought RVs or campers, while the rest camped in tents or the backs of their trucks. Some dressed as ravers, some as hippies and steampunkers, some in everyday clothing and some in nothing at all! As the week progressed I came to realize how much our little neighborhood at 6:00 and I was a microcosm for Burning Man as a whole.

Random notes about camping supplies and setting up camp: Tracking down the miscellaneous odds and ends was definitely half the battle of laying down our tarp, carpet, chairs, tables and lanterns. Thank god it wasn’t blowing a gale because we had a hard enough time pulling everything out of the cubby hole on the side of the RV to rummage around for “those damn tent stakes!” In the end though, the outdoor pop-up tent was a great investment and I remember looking at each other and saying- “wow, this is totally awesome.” Cheap Home Depot chairs were also sound idea and, when sheltered from the wind by the RV, did not blow away all week. Do buy tent stakes though, as the nightly storms would definitely have ripped up the tarp had we left it loose.

After setting ourselves up we jumped on our bikes and set off down 6:00, the main road to the Man. In all honesty I must have said “holy shit, look at that” at least 50 times in the 10 minutes it took us to get to the Media Camp where S had to pick up his photography pass. I’m sure J and I looked exactly like Burning Man virgins, with our eyes wide open and our jaws on the ground. We were also virgin stupid by not bringing water bottles with us. BRING WATER BOTTLES WITH YOU! 2 hours later when we finally got back to the RV we were so dehydrated we stayed inside for several hours to tend to our dry mouths.

Back to that afternoon. S got his lanyard and off we went around the Playa. We pedaled in the direction of Opulent Temple at 10:00 and Esplanade, but literally took 25 detours along the way. Come on, how often can you say that you watched a yellow and purple, double-decker bus, blasting music and filled with people egg on a fully tricked out PIRATE’S SHIP?? Mutant vehicle battle!! Blew my mind. A flying carpet meandered by topped with at least 15 people, a gnarly set of speakers and a hookah. A WORKING HOOKAH. I am looking through the photos trying to decide what moments to highlight and I can’t even begin to narrow it down. People sleeping all over the place, immense works of art, humorous camp signs, musicians jamming out on top of vehicles. The list goes on. No sooner had we laughed at 2 guys dressed in full Indian headgear on Segways did 2 midgets on Segways drive in the opposite direction. Not kidding.

We reached Opulent Temple after passing by Everywhere, a skeleton tree, the Roller Disco, Malmart (BAALMART), Bubbles and Bass, the skater park halfpipes, Slutgarden, Pink Heart and a thousand other things. We’re just chilling at the very edge of the campsites when an enormous Tigger rounds the corner and we scurry to get our bikes out of the road. What a great idea for a mutant vehicle.

The rest of the day is a blur of dehydration and alcohol. J and I headed back to camp to find water and food while S hovered around Opulent. By the time he returned with our rave supplies we had left the RV with a bottle full of our good friend Senior Smirnoff. Poor S promptly took a shower, killed several bottles of water and laid down in complete heat exhaustion. Burner virgins: do NOT test the Playa, she will ALWAYS win. Drink. Lots. Preferably not all of it liquor.

J and I headed out before the sun set to check out the Playa at dusk. We had barely biked past the corner of H and 6:00 when we started getting cat-called and heckled by Camp La La. “Come have drinks!” “Hey Captain, can I ride your plane?” (I was wearing a captain’s hat) “Yo, are you wearing eyeliner?” (J had let me put makeup on him). So we pulled over, but then realized we’d forgotten to bring empty drink bottles. DAMNIT! Another lesson we consistently forgot all week: always travel with an empty drinking container should you happen upon liquor. God forbid we turn down liquor.

So we went for a brisk ride around Center Camp, then returned to the RV, invited S to join, grabbed water bottles and went back to Camp La La. The girl at the bar was serving Vodka Cranberry, Mint Mojito and Sweet Tea Whiskey in enormous orange juice containers. It was a toughie, but I decided to go with the last option and, in return, gifted them a small bottle of rum I had in my backpack (naturally). Then we stood around and heckled passersby while sampling homemade cheese curds- seriously, I shit you not. Only at Burning Man.

Later, we returned and made our second Burning Man dinner: salad (my job) and bacon wrapped sirloins (I shit you not). The look of pride on S’s face as he stacked those babies on a plate was priceless.

Our ultimate mission was to find C, a friend J made on the plane from Denver to Reno. He’d given us his camp name and address and invited us by to check it out. Well alright, no problem- IF it was daytime and we were sober and the roads weren’t packed with Burners and bikes and mutant octopuses. But you try finding a campsite after a few crazy, sweaty hours at Opulent Temple- it was a whole different story. Thankfully J kept me on a short leash and eventually, by some miracle, we found the right tent. Unfortunately, no one was home. But hey, at least we made it!